Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Purest Of Pain
When Sunshine was performing this song...it happened again.I love the song...but its a sad song though.Rayyan was on his bended knees...trying to tease me until I asked him to shut up.He sat next to me..kept asking me why I was so moody.Sigh..the same old question that everyone has been asking.Its damn obvious to everyone.I'm wondering if it was obvious to you!!K...back to reality now...I took the white soft delicate paper...*tap left eye,tap right eye* and said.."Luckily I'm wearing waterproof mascara."Rayyan giggled and put his hand over my head and said,"Chill babe..wats wrong?You can talk to me wat...I've known you since Pri sch.."Thanks Rayyan...thanks for telling me all will be fine.And Max too!I just couldn't control it.The song..Sunshine emotional singing..for a moment...it made it all perfect to shed a tear at that time.I know...he's not worth a tear even.But today..it just happened.Maybe..deep inside,sub-consciously..it built up to a point where...I just cannot take it la.Yes..Hera's emo..so be it!I've got feelings and it has been messed with!!
You..dunno if you were even listening that day when I spoke to you.Do you even understand wat I was trying to tell you?I told you...each time I see you,its as though I was stabbed.Doesn't that mean anything to you?I dunno if you know that you did hurt me.Wat?You want me to say it out loud to you?Do you have any conscience..even a little?My feelings were cheated.I should have trusted my instincts.You knew better wat you were doing...when I dun.But my instincts knew better.I really dunno la..rite now..I just dun feel like talking to you.Don't tell me how life is,cause rite now..I really dun wanna know.Don't tell me how this 'game' ends..we'll see how it goes.Miss me when I'm gone..I may have helped you think about lots of stuff..and reflect on things and made you question yourself.Yes..I may be the person who do just that to you when not many can.But this time,I wont do just that.For I want you to think what you so called did was fair to me or not.GO and REFLECT on it!You bugger...I just want to hear one thing from you.Not those sweet words you used.but the hardest word to say of all.I'm not blaming you why I'm feeling this way totally..because partly,I'm to blame also.
For now..just stay away from me..I've got a disease!!
I need to recuperate.If I'm your friend,spare me a thought for my feelings.Thanks.You told me...you dun wanna lose me as a friend..so do just this and I'll still be around to guide you in life.But for now..remember..I've got a disease..
This sucks...really...the purest of pain!
I hope tomorrow it a better day for my overrated life!
*peace*
