Monday, September 29, 2003
Tired
I'm tired. Tired of living...not in general but the feeling of," Enuff is enuff!I can't take it anymore." Tired of comparison. Being compared with my siblings or relatives. Who's getting better grades?Who's doing what...where?Comparing achievements in life.Who's good and who's bad. Tired of being an example to others. I feel like some specimen or some shit...where I have to change my lifestyles...me...like 'them' adding different solutions to catalyse the.."You have to show gd example...blah blah blah"I just wanna be me...myself and would like no one trying to be me. Just me!Tired of the unfairness I have to face. Being nagged at for no bloody reason.Being a girl!Have to stay home...like housewife..Stop stereotyping!!!I hate it...Tired of the limitations and expectations. Having to live up to other's expectations...making them happy and not myself.Not having my say at things.Limitations...things I can't do because I'm a girl!
Accused of being wrong to enjoy and have fun...fun as in socialising and communicatingwith my friends.Cannot hang-out with them on weekdays...because its a bloody weekday!Just because its a weekday ,I have to be home early. Tired of seeing ones I love suffer but yet putting on a front...to be strong and blame others when they themselves aren't putting any effort other then to blame you....when actually upon realising that its their mistake. How one thinks only of themselves...being selfish.Not giving a fuck...giving a fuck only when things go wrong. Tired of people. People who are up to no good.Adding salt and pepper...oil into the fire!A fucking catalyst that has no purpose in life other then to destroy you!"Kill the bad!!" Damn...I'm just tired...real tired...I hate this feeling...makes me wanna breakdown and cry.
Every morning,I wake up hoping that the feeling would go away. Leaving me in peace,wisdom,kindness and happiness. I hope...hope alot...wonder alot....when will this world be a better place for me?If not now...then when?I guess....there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. I'll always keep that in mind to nudge myself out of self0pity. Amnd surrender to the fact that LIFE ISN'T FAIR with all the injustices, selfishness and lies in this world!
(I wrote this...when I was feeling down...quarrelled with my mum.hehe...got all too emo huh...keke)
